Messages not delivered pt. 3

[01/09/21] welcome to september. didn't realize if i wrote an unimportant and stupid mail for almost three months. i will certainly cringing over this mail weeks or months later. aight, well today, nothing big actually happened. i just felt envy with my friends progression. like how umm... if i tell you this then i will doxed this person. basically they did well. meanwhile me, still grinding for my ideas to be fully implemented. i'm taking sociology mayor next-next year. was bout to choose psychology because i wanna know more about human emotions, but then i thought what i understand right now is pretty much subjective. and i don't like going technical to diagnose someone. it's a dead end right there. hence i be better at socio. i guess i'm more comfort with learning people in general.

[13/09/21] F*CK. BROKE MY HEART TONIGHT. duh it's been a while since i've felt this way. quite numb. and funny how someone like me is overly sensitive now. i believe i can't force anything to be what i want. it's understandable. think i might puke tho.

it's 3 am. couldn't sleep. still sad while also excited. because i have to attend offline school for the first time today, yay! prolly i will be lonely in a class for a moment. need an adaptation. hope everything goes well. i wrote my post reaction later.

back from school. it's lame. boring. but sure it does feel like an antidepressant. it relieves my stress for short amount of time. then here i am, back home, empty again.

[15/09/21] broke my phone during presentation in front of my class today. dude, i can't believe i'm that nervous talking with much larger audience. is it because i knew their name, but i don't know them. yea i mean that is possible. i don't know who to talk to in my class. but hey, like i said days before. i feel more comfortable to talk with strangers now, lol.

[27/09/21] i'm glad for folks that managed to had a better year than the last one. for me, 2021 is much worse than i previously thought. i'm sure no one knows when i skipped my class for a whole month. how many tendencies and how often i tried to kms myself or gone. which is understandable because i told no one. perhaps cus i knew they'll never come back. n still couldn't get around w familiar names familiar faces. it's so empty. i miss my braincells too. idk where they went but i already felt back to monke myself. i believe nothing will change for Q4 this year. tho been a quite ride. i enjoy every stunt i made for entire year. some ridiculously stupid and took a wrong turn. some i said quite fun and delicate. i hope none actually mad to me. and i really wanna stop ranting in my story. this is the last, i promise.

Godspeed, Iz