Messages not delivered pt. 1

[14/06/21] Hi, how are you? Hope you are doing good. I've been mentally blocked and unable to do almost anything for the last four months. So I decided to write this mail, perhaps I can clear some bits out of my mind.

We can't change the past, obviously, but we are still able to change how we perceive history. ignore this nonsense please

I don't think I have ever attempted to apologize for what I did since we broke up. If I forget that I already did, then this is the 2.0 version. Been feeling like Dory lately. You knew that, short term memory loss. I think this is like a withdrawal from something in the past. Don't know what is it.

[16/06/21] Alright, hey. I'm really sorry for everything. I admit that I was dumb, you name it. You might never forgive me and that is fine. But hey I have the right to say that I'm much better myself now. I realized the true reason that we broke up was, we had an unhealthy relationship and we were tired from it. I was actually glad about that decision. Well I am never ok with the 'farewell'. I mean, I'm glad we stopped there.. I couldn't imagine how bad that would be if it continued. I read stories from twitter, really unsettling. To be honest, that's one of the reasons that triggered me to write this mail.

Curious question tho, have you ever felt traumatized for the past? Like, got a PTSD when reading/listening to a similar story. If you felt that way, I'm really sorry. Not even my recent self understands I had to talk about that. Must've been hard, again I'm sorry.

(redacted)

[20/07/21] I wish even if we're not that close anymore, we still could be friends. But then I remember when you said that I always came only because I needed something from you. That was really on point, I would say. I agree with it. Since then, whenever I feel like I wanna talk about something with you, another part of myself always says 'mau taruh dimana itu muka' to me.

It's totally your choice to forgive me, or not. It's also your choice to respond to my mail or not. I don't mind it. Good luck with your current life. I saw you have an interest in doing TOEFL. Good luck with that.

Sorry for past bullsh*t that I could never fulfill. (redacted). Take care of yourself. Good luck with your future as well. Let's face the future in our own way and at our own pace. I'm honored, I met you that time. Thank you for the memories. I never lived with it anymore, but it was great. So again, from my deepest heart, thanks.